Authenticity & Self-Discovery: Peeling Back the Layers After a Late ADHD Diagnosis

I did well in school, but I had to work for it. I could hyper focus before big events or finals week and ace it, but then I would crash, hard. I usually ended up getting sick with a horrible cold or complete exhaustion that lasted for days.

As an adult, at work and as a parent, I did the same thing. I worked until I burned out and then I crashed; but the crashes started lasting longer and eventually I couldn’t recover anymore. I was seeing a therapist at the time and she assessed me for and diagnosed me with ADHD.

I was totally blindsided. I had a pre-conceived notion about what ADHD looked like, and it didn’t include me. But the more I learned about ADHD, especially in high achieving women, the more it sounded exactly like me. Learning this incredibly important thing about myself so late in life was a journey. Now, I specialize in working with others on their own journeys.

The “Peeling Back the Layers” Process

Many late-diagnosed ADHD women go through what feels like a peeling-back-the-layers process. For years, sometimes decades, you may have lived in survival mode: masking your struggles, pushing through with perfectionism, or molding yourself to please others. These strategies may have worked in the short term, but they often came at the cost of exhaustion, burnout, and a disconnection from your authentic self.

When you finally start unmasking, it can feel disorienting. You begin to notice:

• Which parts of me are truly mine?

• Which parts were learned as survival strategies to fit in, succeed, or be accepted?

  
  

That’s the growth edge of self-discovery: sorting out “what’s truly me” versus “what I learned to do to cope.”

Why Other Perspectives Can Feel So Jarring

Hearing the stories of other late-diagnosed ADHD adults can be both validating and unsettling. On one hand, you may feel relief—finally, someone else gets it. On the other hand, it can highlight how much of your life has been shaped by survival strategies you didn’t even realize you were using.

For example:

• You may realize you weren’t just a perfectionist—you were terrified of being seen as “lazy” or “messy.”

• You may notice that your people-pleasing wasn’t simply kindness—it was a way to avoid rejection or criticism.

• You may start questioning old habits or relationships that never really fit, but you stayed in them because it felt safer than rocking the boat.

  
  

It’s no wonder this stage feels raw and vulnerable. But that vulnerability is also where freedom begins.

Moving Toward Authenticity

Authenticity isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about experimenting with new ways of being, and gently letting go of what no longer serves you.

Here are some common shifts I see in late-diagnosed ADHD adults:

• From overcommitment → to honoring limits. Saying “no” more often, even when it feels uncomfortable.

• From perfectionism → to “good enough.” Allowing yourself to rest, make mistakes, or try without being flawless.

• From people-pleasing → to aligned relationships. Building connections where you can be messy, real, and still loved.

  
  

These changes don’t happen overnight. But each small step builds trust with yourself; trust that you are enough, as you are.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Self-discovery is powerful, but it can also feel lonely. Therapy can help you sort through those layers in a safe, supportive space. Together, we can explore what’s been masking you, what still feels authentic, and how to create a life that feels lighter and more sustainable.

 If you’re just starting on this journey, I’d love to walk alongside you. You don’t have to keep peeling back the layers by yourself. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation to get started.

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