When You’re Out of Spoons: Understanding Energy and Capacity Through Spoon Theory

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up already tired? Like your brain and body are both saying, “Nope, not today.” You look at your to-do list, see things that technically should be manageable, but somehow they feel impossible.

That’s where spoon theory comes in, a simple metaphor that helps explain why energy can be so unpredictable, especially for neurodivergent people.

What Is Spoon Theory?

Spoon theory was created by Christine Miserandino, who lives with lupus. She used spoons as a way to explain to a friend what it’s like to have limited energy each day.

Imagine you start the day with a certain number of spoons. Every task you do (getting dressed, making breakfast, responding to messages, going to work) costs a few spoons. When you’re out of spoons, you’re done. You can’t just “push through” without paying for it later (usually in exhaustion, burnout, or a total shutdown).

Everyone has a limited number of spoons, but for people who are neurodivergent, living with ADHD, autism, AuDHD, or other differences, the number of spoons and what uses them up can look very different.

Why Spoon Theory Hits Different for Neurodivergent Folks

For neurotypical people, something like getting ready in the morning might cost one spoon.

For a neurodivergent person, it might cost three because it’s not just getting dressed. It’s:

• Remembering what you were doing halfway through.

• Finding clothes that feel okay on your skin.

• Managing decision fatigue (“What should I wear? What’s clean?”).

• Trying to stay on track when your brain wants to do five other things first.

  
  

Social interactions might also drain more spoons, especially if you’re masking, reading social cues carefully, or navigating sensory overwhelm in a noisy space.

And let’s not forget the hidden spoon drains: background noise, clutter, bright lights, emotional processing, or simply managing the internal chaos that comes with executive functioning challenges.

The Invisible Energy Costs

Neurodivergent people often burn through spoons doing things that others don’t even notice. For example:

• Transitions — switching from one task to another can be exhausting.

• Decision-making — small daily choices can add up fast.

• Masking — trying to appear “fine” takes enormous effort.

• Overstimulation — loud sounds, bright lights, or even certain fabrics can quietly drain you.

By the time you get to the thing you actually wanted to do, the spoons are gone.

Self-Awareness, Not Self-Blame

Spoon theory isn’t about limitation, it’s about awareness. It helps you understand that your energy isn’t limitless, and that’s not a personal flaw.

You’re not lazy. You’re not flaky. You’re someone whose brain and body use energy differently.

When you start noticing how many spoons different tasks take, you can plan your days more compassionately. Maybe you save social plans for a low-demand day. Maybe you give yourself permission to rest instead of pushing through.

Using Spoon Language in Real Life

Spoon theory can also be a helpful way to communicate with others. Instead of trying to explain every detail of your exhaustion, you can simply say:

• “I don’t have enough spoons for that today.”

• “That sounds great, but it would take more spoons than I have right now.”

• “I need to recharge my spoons before I can do that.”

It’s shorthand for something deeply human: knowing your limits and honoring them.

A Gentle Reminder

If you’ve been feeling “out of spoons” lately, please know you’re not alone. Neurodivergent life takes creativity, energy, and resilience every single day and it’s okay if that costs more some days than others.

If you’re ready to start the journey of self-compassion and understanding, Schedule a free 15 minute consultation to get started.

Stay up to date on monthly blog posts!

Sign up for my newsletter to get updates on my blog series. I’m diving deep into ADHD and adult burnout, RSD, friendships, parenting, and what it actually looks like to work with your brain instead of against it.