An Intro to Late-Diagnosed Autism in Women

For most of my life, I knew something felt different but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was.

Maybe that sounds familiar.

Maybe you were the “too sensitive” kid. The perfectionist. The one who always seemed to be just a little off from your peers, even if no one could explain why. Maybe you tried harder. Masked better. Pushed through the overwhelm. And maybe, like so many women and AFAB folks, you spent decades assuming the problem was you.

Until suddenly… things started to make sense.

Why Autism in Women Is So Often Missed

Autism doesn’t always look like what people expect. Especially in girls and women.

Most of the research and diagnostic criteria were built around how autism presents in young boys. But women often fly under the radar—not because we’re “less autistic,” but because we’ve been conditioned to hide it better. We’re praised for being quiet, polite, compliant. We learn to mimic, mask, and people-please. And when we do struggle, it’s often misdiagnosed: anxiety, depression, ADHD, BPD, OCD… anything but autism.

Here’s the truth: we weren’t seen because no one was looking for us.

Traits of Late-Diagnosed Autistic Women

Everyone experiences autism differently, but here are some common threads in women who get diagnosed (or start self-identifying) later in life:

• Masking: You spend so much energy trying to “act normal” that you’re completely drained by the end of the day.

• Sensory Sensitivities: Lights, sounds, textures, smells; things other people seem to brush off can feel overwhelming or even painful.

• Special Interests: You go deep into your passions whether it’s animals, psychology, crafting, fantasy novels, or organizing systems.

• Social Fatigue: You can be warm and talkative, but socializing feels like a performance you have to recover from afterward.

• Rigid Routines: Change can throw you off. You find comfort in predictability, and transitions can be harder than people realize.

• Emotional Intensity: You feel things deeply and may struggle to regulate those emotions in ways that make sense to others.

• Hyper-awareness + confusion: You notice everything—tone shifts, facial expressions, dynamics—yet still feel like you're missing some invisible rulebook.

  
  

And for many of us, those traits were there all along. We just thought we were “bad at life.”

The Emotional Whirlwind of a Late Diagnosis

Getting diagnosed (or even wondering if you’re autistic) can bring a flood of emotions.

Relief. Grief. Anger. Validation. Regret.

It’s common to look back on your life and feel like you’re rereading the whole story with new eyes. You might feel heartbroken over all the years you were misunderstood. You might wonder who you could have been with the right support. And you might feel deeply seen for the very first time.

It’s a lot.

So please be gentle with yourself. This is big. And just because you “made it this far” without a diagnosis doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve help, care, and accommodations all along.

What Comes Next

• This new insight isn’t the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a different kind of self-understanding.

• You get to start unmasking. Reclaiming your energy. Learning to say no to things that don’t work for your nervous system. Surrounding yourself with people who don’t make you feel like too much or not enough.

• You get to explore what your version of an authentic, neurodivergent life looks like. One that’s based on how your brain actually works—not how you’ve been trained to perform.

  
  

There’s nothing wrong with you. You were never too sensitive, too awkward, too intense, too much. You were autistic. And you deserved to know. And now you do.

Wondering if Autism is part of your story?

I help adults explore their neurodivergence and reconnect with their authentic selves; no formal diagnosis required. If you're ready to feel seen and supported, schedule a free 15 minute consultation to find out more.

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